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Anonymous: You seem so on top of recovery, it's so inspiring. Seriously, I can't imagine getting to the point where you are now. I have a question though if that's ok. I saw your post about knowing what causes binges and how to stop them - how did you get to that point/work it out? I've found that in 'recovery' I've just completely snapped back the other way and I binge constantly. It makes me feel terrible and just want to go straight back into restricting.

Thank you so much! Seriously, though, don’t doubt yourself. For over three years I felt the same as you do now. I rejected recovery, I questioned whether I deserved recovery and I honestly couldn’t see past the blindfold over my eyes that distorted my vision. Contemplating a life without an eating disorder was terrifying because I couldn’t imagine it at all and I couldn’t free myself from the grip I had on mine. But here I am. There are days when I slip and days when I long for how I was but I have to combat them, even if it takes a while. Sorry, I’m really not trying to sing my praises or anything - although it does sound like it. 

Anyway, I’d imagine most people’s binge triggers are different but perhaps there are some common enough ones. If you just kinda analyse how you feel pre-binge (how you felt in the hours preceding it, what you were eating, if you slept, etc.) or from past binges, you can start to work out the patterns of what causes them. My triggers include: lack of sleep, not exercising or doing some kind of yoga/stretching after waking up (although this isn’t always the case), eating too much carbs (although I’ve stopped eating gluten now), chewing gum (which I’ve cut out anyway because it aggravates my bloating), depression (which can trigger me to restrict as well, it just depends on what kind of situation I’m in), not eating properly if I’m drinking. There’s probably a few less-prevalent ones that I’m forgetting but those are the main ones, anyway. Hope it helps you figure out your own.

But please, if you do binge don’t restrict the next day. It’s the worst thing you can do. Just because you ate too much one day, doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to eat the next day. Your body deserves calories and to be fed every day. Even people who don’t have disordered eating sometimes over or undereat and what do they do the next day? Just carry on as normal. Also, I remember seeing a great little analogy on here to help with binging: if you dropped your phone and it got a crack in it, you wouldn’t keep smashing it on the floor. Apply the same if you binge; it’s easy to just say “Ah, fuck it. I’ve already screwed up today”. But that will only make yourself feel worse. Just let it go, make a hot water bottle and go watch some cute films and try to forget about it.

Don’t feel bad about binging. It’s your body’s way of dealing with long periods of starvation. It doesn’t trust that it’ll be fed so it wants to get as much food in as possible in case it’s deprived again. Unfortunately it’s horrible but they’ll become less and less prevalent as you recover and you regain your body’s trust. It took over 3 years to whittle them down as much as I have - and there’s still room for improvement.

You can do this x

Anonymous: Do you still struggle with binging?

Occasionally. But I know what triggers them, ergo can prevent them happening for the most part. There are times when I act before I think, thus binging, but they are a rarity now. 


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